My Life will Never Be the Same Again

Where do I begin? Put it this way 2017 has not been good to me. Before i go into details, this post gonna be wordy and long so feel free to scroll down or click ‘x’ if it’s too long for u.

As I were typing now, its 11.59pm and I just got up from a very numb sleep in the hospital. I start off the year with quite a lot of project to complete both at work and personal too. As a result I was overly stress out and I went through a few months of depression. It’s not easy to deal with and I am baring the consequences now. I am not going deep into details on my work but just one work it sucks. I’m still trying to figure out to deal with it.

So just as work isn’t bad enough, the stress put on a big toll on my health…. I have eating disorder where I skipped meals because seriously I don’t feel like eating anything as the problem just keep coming and piling up. I cried every 3-4am morning because I’m too stress and I just can’t sleep through a few more hours. After months, trying to deal with the stress and depression I did get better especially after my trip to Sydney. It helps me to recover and think what to do with my life and career… Well not really solve the career part till today but yes not as depress and stress compared to before.

Just weeks before my trip to Sydney I bought a few new boots for the winter trip. Sadly, I can’t wear any of them because of a corn/hardened skin on my toes that took months to recover. I go from pharmacy to clinic to chinese traditional doctor. I go from applying corn treatment, grinding the skin, applying steroid to injection and finally this week it has sort of recover. I am not sure if it does fully recover but when I try on heel yesterday the pain is gone! It was cure from a herb mixture application I got from a Doctor call Bidadari (I call her Angel Doctor). I’m not gonna go into details on this, may be I will write a separate post on this. I am glad that this hardened skin thingy sort of got better. BUT still I will not be able to wear heel probably for the rest of my life. It broke my heart when I was told…. My life will never be the same again, not only I can’t wear heels but I can’t carry heavy stuff anymore. It doesn’t end there I have to forego a number of food and drink that I love so much.

Just weeks ago I had a severe back pain, I did not suspect anything as i thought well could be early symptom of my period visiting. After my period the back pain didn’t go away but its still bearable as long as I don’t bend… Then last week the pain is unbearable. The pain is so sharp even when I’m standing or sleeping. I went to chiropractor they suggest this could be slip disc on my back bone. and that’s how everything begin. From there I went to my MRI scan to confirm it’s not a cancer or tumor. For days I go to hospital back and forth because boy the insurance claim wasn’t easy especially when surgery is not involved. I finally got the scan and confirmed it’s a slip disc and doctor told me all the things I can’t do and eat to not worsen it further. I also have to travel all the way to Subang to see Dr Angel (remember my hardened skin?). As I were getting treatment with her, I share with her my back problem too she did acupuncture to help release my back pain which is very helpful. I feel really tired while I rush my project at work and going to hospital and calling various party for this….. Things just got worst when I have to deal with parents who got over worry with my condition….. I do not know how my life gone from perfectly fine to this current status. It really break my heart that I can no longer wear heels, I have a rack full of heel collection and I guess all of this has to go to museum now? and my tea collection has to pass over to someone else to finish it too? and many more routine to change after this… My Life will never be the same again… Sad but what can I do about it?

Don’t really know what to feel now…Well I should feel blessed because it’s not a death call like cancer or tumor… Praying for better 2018, I can’t wait to get over all these physiotherapy and acupuncture… It hurt like hell. Going back to sleep because finally visiting hour in my wad room is over. The entire kampung came to visit my roomate and boy she can talk…. Good night….